Every relationship, whether romantic or not, is a journey.
We can all attest to that.
Relationships take effort, especially in the field of communication. Often when the relationship is between two people of the opposite sex, those communications do not come naturally. This is most likely because men tend to desire more independense wheras women desire more social interaction.
At one of our BCO trainings last week, we were commenting on how men often have one conversation going on and can't focus on many other things going on in a room while that is happening. Reversely, women are more likely to pick up pieces from each conversation going on (including whatever is happening on the radio or tv) and converse in every area. Barry mentioned that in a relationship however, all that is put aside and the two people have to pass through five different levels of communication before the desired endgoal can be achieved.
CLICHES are the typical, routine, often repeated commentes, questions, and answers given out of habit with no real forethought or genuine intent. "How are you?" "Fine." "Having a good day?" "Yes."
FACTS are information or statistics about the weather, offices, friends, news, personal activities, etc. Facts require no in-depth thinking or feeling.
OPINIONS include concerns, expectations, personal goals, dreams, and desires. Due to differences of opinion that naturally arise between two people, epseically between men and women, this is typically the level at which we run into the "wall of conflict."
Many poeple lacking the skills ot make it through the "wall of conflict" revert back to the first two levels of communcation and never truly get to know each other and satisfy needs. Lack of passion towards that desired end goal is in direct proportion to lack of effective, constructive confrontation. Sharing feelings and needs makes one vulnerable and can/will only be done where there is a feeling of mutual trust.
Conflict is not only the wall, but also the door, for conflict is virtually inevitable and it is only in passing through conflict that we are able to reach the deeper levels of a relationship. If only more people realized this they would not view it as a destructive source, but a creative one when confronte in a positive manner! Conflict is, in reality, a tool to bring two people closer together as long as those two do not allow it to lead to contention. In other words, attitude makes all the difference! The inherent differences between men and women automatically cause conflicts to arise, but with the realization that it is these differences that enable men and women to compliment/complete each other, they are in the right frame of mind to make use of them constructively!
Affter going through the "wall (or door) of conflict" by applying the communication skills above, you both feel safe enough to share your deepest emotions or FEELINGS.
NEEDS are then the deepest level of communication where you feel completely safe to reveal your unique needs with each other. Truly, unless needs are known and met, two people will remain strangers.
As I was thinking about basic skills to make it through the inevitable "wall of conflict" that kept being mentioned, I realized that listening was really important and deemed that key, "drive through listening."
Drive through listening is a way for ensuring both are communicating with real understanding and true respect. The term comes from when you order food at a drive through location (which I REALLY try hard not to do). You give them the order and then they repeat it back. You either say, "That's right," or correct them. If corrected, then they repeat it back again for you to verify. This way, you know they understand exactly what you meant! It works the same when two people converse. Both should take turns--one being the speaker, the other listening. When understood, the speaker changes roles with the listener. This procedure prvents the fault so many of us are guilty of--only half listening and not really understanding. Be sure, when listening, to invite the other to say more in case they do have more to say and be sure not to cut them short. Ask questions in that safe environment to further clarify/understand.
Every major conflict is the result of someone's needs not being met. Only in meeting these needs can you truly understand each other and find the desired end goal from your communication.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Thanks.
It's over.
My first year of teaching is completely finished. My rooms are cleaned up. My things are home where they belong. Instruments have been returned to the schools from which they came. Everything is exactly where it should be, so why does it feel like this isn't really happening?
After the bell rang, all the eighth graders met up outside and were crying as they said goodbye to everyone. A group of girls that were the toughest to break through to at the beginning of the year came up to give me a hug and let me know that they would come back to visit. Their faces and eyes were completely red from all of their teary goodbyes.
The crowd of emotional eighth graders diminished as their rides came and the buses pulled out. As I turned to start heading back inside, two boys who had been in two separate sections of choir came up to me. One of these boys was the student I had who couldn't speak a word of English at the beginning of the year. The other was the student who seemed to be getting into trouble all the time and was hanging out with the tough crowd that was affiliated with gangs. As they walked up to me, they looked around to make sure none of their friends were around and the second held out his hand to me so I shook it. He just looked up and said, "thanks." One word. The other boy followed suit and did the same thing, and as they walked away, the tears that I had been holding back through all the girls' goodbyes started welling up in my eyes and I had to look up to the cloudy sky to try and keep them from falling.
As they started leaving the parking lot, I called out their names and they turned around. I told them that I was really proud of them for all their work this year. I told them that they could have just given up or made class into a torture chamber for everyone involved, but they chose to participate and actually lead the class quite often which was commendable. I told them that I wanted them to have a fantastic summer but to make good decisions throughout it because I didn't want to see their name in the paper for anything other than the great feats they were going to accomplish. They looked at me and gave me a goofy smile with their "ok, Miss" response and turned and walked off.
Moments like those are the things to remember when I have no idea why I wanted to become a teacher in the first place.
What a way to end the year.
My first year of teaching is completely finished. My rooms are cleaned up. My things are home where they belong. Instruments have been returned to the schools from which they came. Everything is exactly where it should be, so why does it feel like this isn't really happening?
After the bell rang, all the eighth graders met up outside and were crying as they said goodbye to everyone. A group of girls that were the toughest to break through to at the beginning of the year came up to give me a hug and let me know that they would come back to visit. Their faces and eyes were completely red from all of their teary goodbyes.
The crowd of emotional eighth graders diminished as their rides came and the buses pulled out. As I turned to start heading back inside, two boys who had been in two separate sections of choir came up to me. One of these boys was the student I had who couldn't speak a word of English at the beginning of the year. The other was the student who seemed to be getting into trouble all the time and was hanging out with the tough crowd that was affiliated with gangs. As they walked up to me, they looked around to make sure none of their friends were around and the second held out his hand to me so I shook it. He just looked up and said, "thanks." One word. The other boy followed suit and did the same thing, and as they walked away, the tears that I had been holding back through all the girls' goodbyes started welling up in my eyes and I had to look up to the cloudy sky to try and keep them from falling.
As they started leaving the parking lot, I called out their names and they turned around. I told them that I was really proud of them for all their work this year. I told them that they could have just given up or made class into a torture chamber for everyone involved, but they chose to participate and actually lead the class quite often which was commendable. I told them that I wanted them to have a fantastic summer but to make good decisions throughout it because I didn't want to see their name in the paper for anything other than the great feats they were going to accomplish. They looked at me and gave me a goofy smile with their "ok, Miss" response and turned and walked off.
Moments like those are the things to remember when I have no idea why I wanted to become a teacher in the first place.
What a way to end the year.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Car Wash Sanctuary
Have you ever pinched a hose while it was turned on? No matter how much pressure has been building up, the water just can't get through. You stand there, trying to spray the water to rinse off your car after washing it in the driveway, only to throw the hose down in frustration as you walk along the green, rubber path it has snaked its way through, trying to locate the problem. In your frustrations, you swear up and down that you will pay the $5.50 and take your car to the drive-through car wash the next time it gets dirty to avoid future cloggings and frustrations.
Sometimes I think parts of the body work (or don't, depending on how you look at it in this situation) like the hose. Sometimes the connections between the brain (the main water source) and different parts of the body just have a pinched connection that don't let them work like they are originally intended to.
Take the heart for instance. So often, this organ can run on what seems like a brain of its own, tricking you into believing that the facade is actually your brain running the show. It can try to run the rest of your body in efforts to compensate for the lack, but the pressure is continuously building up behind the scenes.
By the time you figure out what is happening, you frantically search to find where the blockage is in hopes that it is not a lost cause and that the brain will still be able to work harmoniously with the heart.
Earlier this week, I found myself sitting in a drive-through car wash. The door ahead of me was already sealed, and as I pulled Rhonda up to the inner stop sign, the door behind me rolled down, trapping me in what was soon going to be a very precipitous room. As the water started to trickle down at increasing speeds, I opened the cover of my moon roof (I refuse to call it a sun roof since my main pleasure comes from watching the stars at night through it) and watched as my sight was diminished by the water rushing down.
As the machine cycled through the rinse, wash, rinse, and dry settings, I watched for what seemed like the first time and really took in the whole scene. I was amazed at how small my world turned when I could no longer see out my windows. Everything enclosed in the car was crystal clear--it was my personal world of safety, however small it seemed. My mind started to wander as lyrics to Mumford & Sons triggered different thoughts.
For those few moments, nothing outside of that world mattered.
And then, as the rinse and dry cycles concluded the door ahead of me opened, signaling my need to leave so the next person could enter their car wash sanctuary.
Isn't it funny how life works sometimes...you find the most clarity when it's hardest to see with your eyes. As long as there are no pinches in the hose, the pressure doesn't build up and everything makes sense as it was intended to.
Maybe this isn't the time to mention that the lightbulb I was using just flickered out as I wrote my last sentence.
Sometimes I think parts of the body work (or don't, depending on how you look at it in this situation) like the hose. Sometimes the connections between the brain (the main water source) and different parts of the body just have a pinched connection that don't let them work like they are originally intended to.
Take the heart for instance. So often, this organ can run on what seems like a brain of its own, tricking you into believing that the facade is actually your brain running the show. It can try to run the rest of your body in efforts to compensate for the lack, but the pressure is continuously building up behind the scenes.
By the time you figure out what is happening, you frantically search to find where the blockage is in hopes that it is not a lost cause and that the brain will still be able to work harmoniously with the heart.
Earlier this week, I found myself sitting in a drive-through car wash. The door ahead of me was already sealed, and as I pulled Rhonda up to the inner stop sign, the door behind me rolled down, trapping me in what was soon going to be a very precipitous room. As the water started to trickle down at increasing speeds, I opened the cover of my moon roof (I refuse to call it a sun roof since my main pleasure comes from watching the stars at night through it) and watched as my sight was diminished by the water rushing down.
As the machine cycled through the rinse, wash, rinse, and dry settings, I watched for what seemed like the first time and really took in the whole scene. I was amazed at how small my world turned when I could no longer see out my windows. Everything enclosed in the car was crystal clear--it was my personal world of safety, however small it seemed. My mind started to wander as lyrics to Mumford & Sons triggered different thoughts.
For those few moments, nothing outside of that world mattered.
And then, as the rinse and dry cycles concluded the door ahead of me opened, signaling my need to leave so the next person could enter their car wash sanctuary.
Isn't it funny how life works sometimes...you find the most clarity when it's hardest to see with your eyes. As long as there are no pinches in the hose, the pressure doesn't build up and everything makes sense as it was intended to.
Maybe this isn't the time to mention that the lightbulb I was using just flickered out as I wrote my last sentence.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thinking Outside the Music Box
This JUST in: I've been having troubles getting the students quiet as quickly as I wanted them to be lately. My principal says that compared to some other teachers, it's WAY faster, but I know they can get quieter better. The method that I had been working for most of the year so far was "Eyes on me in 3...2...1" which gave them a few seconds to finish their conversations, but lately I've had to countdown two or three times before getting the quiet.
The new idea? A MUSIC BOX!
Now, I haven't tried this out yet at all and want to test it tomorrow, but here's the plan: I have a music box that my grandparents gave me that I just wound up all the way to find out it plays for just under four minutes. My plan is to wind it up at the beginning of each class so that it has full song capacity. Any time the students are getting too loud or won't settle down, I will simply open the box and let it play until they are quiet. If the box runs out of music, they will have to sit in silence for the rest of the class. If there is still music left at the end, we will get a sticker chart or some way to keep track of how many days each class has made it without running out of time. 
I counted up how many school days there are left in the year (50!) and am brainstorming some kind of incentive for the silence. What I'm thinking of now is a pizza party for any classes that can get 30 days without running out of music. This won't break the bank, and I could still have the kids bring a dollar or something to offset the cost as long as they earn it!
I'll be sure to report back with whether or not this works, but I'm excited to see the outcome! If you have any thoughts, comments, or suggestions, please let me know!!
The new idea? A MUSIC BOX!
Now, I haven't tried this out yet at all and want to test it tomorrow, but here's the plan: I have a music box that my grandparents gave me that I just wound up all the way to find out it plays for just under four minutes. My plan is to wind it up at the beginning of each class so that it has full song capacity. Any time the students are getting too loud or won't settle down, I will simply open the box and let it play until they are quiet. If the box runs out of music, they will have to sit in silence for the rest of the class. If there is still music left at the end, we will get a sticker chart or some way to keep track of how many days each class has made it without running out of time. I counted up how many school days there are left in the year (50!) and am brainstorming some kind of incentive for the silence. What I'm thinking of now is a pizza party for any classes that can get 30 days without running out of music. This won't break the bank, and I could still have the kids bring a dollar or something to offset the cost as long as they earn it!
I'll be sure to report back with whether or not this works, but I'm excited to see the outcome! If you have any thoughts, comments, or suggestions, please let me know!!
Brahms: The Board Game
At my last school where I teach only choir, each day of the week has a different theme. "Writer Wednesday" is one of the kid's favorite's because they get to learn about a new composer each month and discover neat life facts and listen to music.
For February, we studied a composer of the Romantic era...Brahms! (duh)
The first week, the kids did a scavenger hunt to gather facts from their classmates about his life, compositions, and important world events during that time period. Last week, we studied and listened to some of his first symphony. We talked about the alps and how he discovered the main melody and I even got to play my horn for some of the excerpts which they loved. This week, they are creating "Brahms: The Board Game" in groups of 4-5. They were working so hard with such great ideas, I'm letting them finish up today! I can't wait to see the final products from so many of these games.
The best part about Brahms month though? RAISIN BRAHMS! (<-Click the link if you have never seen it! Travis Whaley, I will forever be thankful for this video!)
So what will March bring us on Writer Wednesday? SOUSA! (duh, again!)
For February, we studied a composer of the Romantic era...Brahms! (duh)
The first week, the kids did a scavenger hunt to gather facts from their classmates about his life, compositions, and important world events during that time period. Last week, we studied and listened to some of his first symphony. We talked about the alps and how he discovered the main melody and I even got to play my horn for some of the excerpts which they loved. This week, they are creating "Brahms: The Board Game" in groups of 4-5. They were working so hard with such great ideas, I'm letting them finish up today! I can't wait to see the final products from so many of these games.
The best part about Brahms month though? RAISIN BRAHMS! (<-Click the link if you have never seen it! Travis Whaley, I will forever be thankful for this video!)
So what will March bring us on Writer Wednesday? SOUSA! (duh, again!)
Friday, February 11, 2011
Just A Quick Note...
This was my first full teaching week in a month for the following reasons:
I've started implementing themed days to my three Brentwood choir classes and the kids are really enjoying the different changes of pace for each day.
Motion Monday begins with all the chairs cleared out to the perimeter of the room and we rarely use them throughout the day. Instead, we are moving around the room to the parts they are singing, using hand motions, or other movement-based ideas that we don't normally do.
Teacher Tuesday happens when the UNC students come in on Tuesdays to teach part of the lessons. Having someone else in front of the room is exciting for the kids, but it also gives me a chance to mobilize more and really listen in on individuals by standing right by them. Tuesday is also sometimes switched or combined with Technique Tuesday where we have an extended warm up to focus on specific techniques for our music even more than normal.
Writer Wednesday focuses on a composer, along with listening from that composer, in the middle of each week. Since we are approaching Valentine's Day on Monday, we've been studying Brahms because he was a composer in the Romantic Era and because of his messed up love life. The kids really are getting into it and were able to spit out information even today even though we just had only talked about him on Wednesday so far. I'm planning on letting them watch the Raisin Brahms commercial next week! :)
Theory Thursday hits the music theory and sight reading hard. They still do a tiny bit of theory each day, but Thursdays are much more intense. We clap and count four rhythm exercises and then sing and sign six solfege exercises every Thursday. So far, they have learned whole, half, quarter, eighth, and dotted rhythms and are sight reading in treble clef from do-fa. We spent the beginning of the year learning both clefs and all their notes, so now they are applying what they learned to solfege.
Free-Seat Friday or Friday Funday alternates, depending on if they have earned it in the week. Today, sixth and seventh graders were gone with their grades so I only had eighth graders. For my first class it was no big deal because they are mostly eighth graders. As a special treat for them, I challenged them with their very first piece of three-part music and they sight-read it and did great! Compared to where they started at the beginning of the year, I am so proud of these guys! My next class I only had eight left so we did the human knot to work on teamwork and then played musical chairs while moving to the music. The last class had only four students, so we did similar things. It was neat being able to bond with the eighth graders a bit because once they are completely won over, they will be able to help convince some of the younger students who will be around longer that the stubbornness won't get them anywhere!
This was a rough week for the family as well. My aunt passed away on Monday after about a year-long fight against cancer. The weekend was super emotional due to the ups and downs there, so not much rest or work was able to be taken care of. Yesterday, I received a text from my dad in the middle of the day saying that my step-grandfather had passed away after a long illness as well. Between those two events, everything was thrown way into perspective and I started realizing more and more how incredibly hard it is to be so far from home and not able to help out at all.
Along those lines, Dad is coming out!!! He's applying for a job in Boulder and has an interview at the end of the month so it will be really good to see him then! It would be so great to have some family close by too, even just to get away for an afternoon to hike in the mountains with him (and Monica).
Tonight, Tom and I got all snazzed up and headed to dinner and the Big Band Boogie Ball, hosted by one of the high schools in town. The event had jazz bands, a waltz orchestra, and a jazz choir from different middle schools, high schools, and even more professional groups around town and was held in the UNC ballroom. There were tons of people there and everyone was having a good time dancing to great live music! Tons of my students were there, including my new private student, and my middle schoolers were so funny when they saw me in a dress...I'm sure I won't hear the end of it on Monday. Yesterday, they were asking if I was going to go and then asked if I was going to wear a dress and heels since they think they have never seen me in either before. I told them they were ridiculous! Even though we were suckered ;) into holding the limbo stick, the night was tons of fun and watching The Office afterward was the perfect ending to a very FULL week.
Now to see if next week can either equal this or (hopefully) improve!!
...I guess this wasn't a quick note after all...
- Last week: No school Tuesday or Wednesday due to freezing temperatures
- Week before: No school Friday for teacher work day or Tuesday and Wednesday due to CMEA
- Week before that: No school Monday due to MLK Jr. Day
I've started implementing themed days to my three Brentwood choir classes and the kids are really enjoying the different changes of pace for each day.
Motion Monday begins with all the chairs cleared out to the perimeter of the room and we rarely use them throughout the day. Instead, we are moving around the room to the parts they are singing, using hand motions, or other movement-based ideas that we don't normally do.
Teacher Tuesday happens when the UNC students come in on Tuesdays to teach part of the lessons. Having someone else in front of the room is exciting for the kids, but it also gives me a chance to mobilize more and really listen in on individuals by standing right by them. Tuesday is also sometimes switched or combined with Technique Tuesday where we have an extended warm up to focus on specific techniques for our music even more than normal.
Writer Wednesday focuses on a composer, along with listening from that composer, in the middle of each week. Since we are approaching Valentine's Day on Monday, we've been studying Brahms because he was a composer in the Romantic Era and because of his messed up love life. The kids really are getting into it and were able to spit out information even today even though we just had only talked about him on Wednesday so far. I'm planning on letting them watch the Raisin Brahms commercial next week! :)
Theory Thursday hits the music theory and sight reading hard. They still do a tiny bit of theory each day, but Thursdays are much more intense. We clap and count four rhythm exercises and then sing and sign six solfege exercises every Thursday. So far, they have learned whole, half, quarter, eighth, and dotted rhythms and are sight reading in treble clef from do-fa. We spent the beginning of the year learning both clefs and all their notes, so now they are applying what they learned to solfege.
Free-Seat Friday or Friday Funday alternates, depending on if they have earned it in the week. Today, sixth and seventh graders were gone with their grades so I only had eighth graders. For my first class it was no big deal because they are mostly eighth graders. As a special treat for them, I challenged them with their very first piece of three-part music and they sight-read it and did great! Compared to where they started at the beginning of the year, I am so proud of these guys! My next class I only had eight left so we did the human knot to work on teamwork and then played musical chairs while moving to the music. The last class had only four students, so we did similar things. It was neat being able to bond with the eighth graders a bit because once they are completely won over, they will be able to help convince some of the younger students who will be around longer that the stubbornness won't get them anywhere!
This was a rough week for the family as well. My aunt passed away on Monday after about a year-long fight against cancer. The weekend was super emotional due to the ups and downs there, so not much rest or work was able to be taken care of. Yesterday, I received a text from my dad in the middle of the day saying that my step-grandfather had passed away after a long illness as well. Between those two events, everything was thrown way into perspective and I started realizing more and more how incredibly hard it is to be so far from home and not able to help out at all.
Along those lines, Dad is coming out!!! He's applying for a job in Boulder and has an interview at the end of the month so it will be really good to see him then! It would be so great to have some family close by too, even just to get away for an afternoon to hike in the mountains with him (and Monica).
Tonight, Tom and I got all snazzed up and headed to dinner and the Big Band Boogie Ball, hosted by one of the high schools in town. The event had jazz bands, a waltz orchestra, and a jazz choir from different middle schools, high schools, and even more professional groups around town and was held in the UNC ballroom. There were tons of people there and everyone was having a good time dancing to great live music! Tons of my students were there, including my new private student, and my middle schoolers were so funny when they saw me in a dress...I'm sure I won't hear the end of it on Monday. Yesterday, they were asking if I was going to go and then asked if I was going to wear a dress and heels since they think they have never seen me in either before. I told them they were ridiculous! Even though we were suckered ;) into holding the limbo stick, the night was tons of fun and watching The Office afterward was the perfect ending to a very FULL week.
Now to see if next week can either equal this or (hopefully) improve!!
...I guess this wasn't a quick note after all...
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Choosing Sides
As the Super Bowl kickoff was getting nearer, I heard my phone beep from the kitchen island counter. I walked over to it and responded to my dad's text that simply read, "Packers or Steelers?" That was the question rolling around in people's minds across the planet. Egypt is imploding. There are deadly storms in Australia. But what was the biggest concern? Was it going to be Rogers or Roethlisberger who would prevail today?The Packers and Steelers each claim two of the most loyal fan bases in football. Their supporters love to express their support for their teams in radical, unpredictable ways.
But here's a prediction that could have been bet on and WON: at a critical game-changing moment during the Super Bowl, television cameras were bound to flash on some extreme green-painted or black-painted fan (occasionally even on some of the players), hands clinched in a pose, eyes closed, and face intensely crunched muttering a "prayer" ...asking the Creator of the Universe to take sides in the game...
Does God take sides in the Super Bowl? Is it fair to pray for one team over another? Many believe God answers prayers, all prayers. So how does he handle sticky situations like this? Does God care about sporting prayers?
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