Last week, an older gentleman and his grandson came into the BCO to get a permit for a two-night trip. They wanted somewhere where they could go to see as much of the park as possible, After planning where they were going to stay the two nights as a base camp with opportunities for day hikes each day, he asked me to lean closer so he could let me in on a secret.
When I leaned forward, he said, "Listen, Megan. It's not about the age. It's about the mileage." He assured me that it didn't matter how old he was and that he didn't need to worry about pushing himself too far because of how much he has done with his life.
And it's true!
Life has only one beginning and one end. Everything else is just a whole lot of middle. It's not necessarily a race to the finish line, but more about how you spend your time in between to make the most of it.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Village Band
Last night was my first band concert with the EP Village Band. I went to my first rehearsal on Tuesday night and was immediately moved to principal horn, but that wasn't really my mission. The band is made up of a mostly older community and aside from a couple high schoolers who attend the school where we rehearse, I am the youngest one there by a long shot. I just wanted an outlet to make sure I play my horn this summer, regardless of whatever the quality of the group is, but these guys actually play really well!
Our concert last night was at a retirement center in town where people could bring their lawn chairs as we played outside the main doors. The clouds were rolling in and tiny drops of water were beginning to sprinkle on the plexiglass music covers on top of our folding stands as we sat in our personal folding chairs to warm up. Cars pulled up from local residents who wanted to come listen to their town band and the nursing staff wheeled out residents from the location to come listen.
The theme of the concert was post-memoriay-day-early-flag-day-post-v-day which honored many of the people out to watch. As per usual we started with a march: "National Emblem," by Bagley. As soon as the music started, the rain cleared off and was completely gone by the end of the march. As one of the conductors began to announce the next piece ("The Homefront": a medley of WWII songs), he directed everyone's attention to the giant rainbow crossing through the sky. I have never seen a rainbow as giant and amazing as this one which, if you've seen my scrapbook from last summer, is amazing. It was almost as though two perfect rainbows were stacked on top of each other so closely that they were sewn into one perfect entity.
We continued the concert with an obvious blessing from above and dove into that medley. An older woman was directly in my line of sight and I often watched her throughout the concert, but this piece was the reason I was so drawn to her. As we played through the conglomeration of "It's Been a Long, Long Time," "Thanks for the Memory," "I'll Be Seeing You," and "The White Cliffs of Dover," I watched her sing along but even more importantly--I watched her face remember every memory that each of those songs contained for her.
There's something so powerful about music that just provokes those kinds of memories. You can hear any song and often immediately find yourself reliving the very first time you heard that song. We watched The Shawshank Redemption the other night and Andy Dufresene had some pretty good music quotes, but one of them was about the "beauty of music" as something no one can steal from you.
Red asks Andy what he's talking about and the simple reply is, hope.
That's what so many of these songs signified for the people listening through their memories last night and it was so neat to watch that show through on their faces. The program continued with "I Got Plenty Of Nuttin'," which got me thinking about the first time I knew that piece as a duet with my piano teacher when I was starting to learn some jazz for the first time.
After that, we transitioned to another march by Charles Duble called, "Old Glory Triumphant." The vocal soloist returned to sing "The Pledge Of Allegiance," as arranged by Alfred Reed, followed by our national hymn, "God Of Our Fathers," which had some fantastic horn parts to play. This was followed by a Karl King march, "Salute To The Colors," a medley of television theme songs, "A Symphony Of Sit-Coms," featuring themes from "I Love Lucy," "Bewitched," "Mister Ed" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show," Fillmore's march, "The Circus Bee," followed by Louis Armstrong's version of "What A Wonderful World."
That last one is another that triggers some sentimental value for me, but more importantly my dad. Whenever it comes on the ipod or in a store or pretty much anywhere and we are together, he always tells me that this is the song we will dance to whenever I end up getting married and goes on about how when I was little he would pick me up and we'd dance around the living room to Louis' unmistakable voice.
The concert concluded with Sousa's "Gallant Seventh," and as soon as the last note sounded, the rain suddenly started up again. It was almost as if the clouds wanted to make sure we had the perfect setting and all their attention for the music. They even brought that giant rainbow out again at the end. It was a little fainter this time, but an unmistakable congratulations from the sky for a job well done, as if any storm in the area was dissolved away by the sounds coming out.
That reminds me of one more quote from the movie the other night from Red's narration:
Our concert last night was at a retirement center in town where people could bring their lawn chairs as we played outside the main doors. The clouds were rolling in and tiny drops of water were beginning to sprinkle on the plexiglass music covers on top of our folding stands as we sat in our personal folding chairs to warm up. Cars pulled up from local residents who wanted to come listen to their town band and the nursing staff wheeled out residents from the location to come listen.
The theme of the concert was post-memoriay-day-early-flag-day-post-v-day which honored many of the people out to watch. As per usual we started with a march: "National Emblem," by Bagley. As soon as the music started, the rain cleared off and was completely gone by the end of the march. As one of the conductors began to announce the next piece ("The Homefront": a medley of WWII songs), he directed everyone's attention to the giant rainbow crossing through the sky. I have never seen a rainbow as giant and amazing as this one which, if you've seen my scrapbook from last summer, is amazing. It was almost as though two perfect rainbows were stacked on top of each other so closely that they were sewn into one perfect entity.
We continued the concert with an obvious blessing from above and dove into that medley. An older woman was directly in my line of sight and I often watched her throughout the concert, but this piece was the reason I was so drawn to her. As we played through the conglomeration of "It's Been a Long, Long Time," "Thanks for the Memory," "I'll Be Seeing You," and "The White Cliffs of Dover," I watched her sing along but even more importantly--I watched her face remember every memory that each of those songs contained for her.
There's something so powerful about music that just provokes those kinds of memories. You can hear any song and often immediately find yourself reliving the very first time you heard that song. We watched The Shawshank Redemption the other night and Andy Dufresene had some pretty good music quotes, but one of them was about the "beauty of music" as something no one can steal from you.
"You need it so you don't forget that there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside that they can't get to, that they can't touch...that's yours."
Red asks Andy what he's talking about and the simple reply is, hope.
That's what so many of these songs signified for the people listening through their memories last night and it was so neat to watch that show through on their faces. The program continued with "I Got Plenty Of Nuttin'," which got me thinking about the first time I knew that piece as a duet with my piano teacher when I was starting to learn some jazz for the first time.
After that, we transitioned to another march by Charles Duble called, "Old Glory Triumphant." The vocal soloist returned to sing "The Pledge Of Allegiance," as arranged by Alfred Reed, followed by our national hymn, "God Of Our Fathers," which had some fantastic horn parts to play. This was followed by a Karl King march, "Salute To The Colors," a medley of television theme songs, "A Symphony Of Sit-Coms," featuring themes from "I Love Lucy," "Bewitched," "Mister Ed" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show," Fillmore's march, "The Circus Bee," followed by Louis Armstrong's version of "What A Wonderful World."
That last one is another that triggers some sentimental value for me, but more importantly my dad. Whenever it comes on the ipod or in a store or pretty much anywhere and we are together, he always tells me that this is the song we will dance to whenever I end up getting married and goes on about how when I was little he would pick me up and we'd dance around the living room to Louis' unmistakable voice.
The concert concluded with Sousa's "Gallant Seventh," and as soon as the last note sounded, the rain suddenly started up again. It was almost as if the clouds wanted to make sure we had the perfect setting and all their attention for the music. They even brought that giant rainbow out again at the end. It was a little fainter this time, but an unmistakable congratulations from the sky for a job well done, as if any storm in the area was dissolved away by the sounds coming out.
That reminds me of one more quote from the movie the other night from Red's narration:
"I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free."
I don't know if I will ever see the lady I was watching again--probably not--but I felt lucky to be able to share with her memories through her face last night. I tried finding her afterward to talk to her a little and thank her but she was gone. That is one of the things I love most about music. It's that way to make the walls that cage people in disappear. It's that ability to communicate, whether you are aware of it or not, without ever saying a word.
Put Your Hands in the Air and Scream
Monday afternoon, Barry asked me if I wouldn’t mind helping him organize the upstairs office or at least be there for moral support. Boy, was I excited! One of my hardest parts of work so far this summer has been knowing that I only work with Barry one day a week. His insight on different topics and ideas just triggers my brain and I love being around that mental stimulation, so when he asked me to go with him to help organize…double bonus!
When we got upstairs, he had me sit down and we just talked for a loooooong time. We talked about our winters and what new philosophical ideas we had, and he told me that when he saw the schedule and realized the same things I had that he was going to make a point for us to get together and be intentional about Fridays.
While we were talking about our winters, we started making an analogy between life and a roller coaster. Last summer he told me about the two different ways to ride a roller coaster: gripping the handle bar and screaming for your life or throwing your hands in the air and screaming for fun. Either way, both groups of people get on and off at the same stop so it’s up to you to decide which way to travel. Up until March I had never really been on a roller coaster so I couldn’t completely understand the point he was trying to make.
When I finally did ride one, I was that kind of person who gripped the bar until my knuckles were white and screamed the whole way. As we flew around the track though, I started thinking about his thoughts from months before and slowly let my death grip go. By the time we were hanging upside down, I was definitely still screaming, but I was able to throw my hands in the air right before the picture was taken.
It got me thinking about the key to that whole situation—the track. Sure, it seems like the roller coaster (or life) is flying by in every direction. You feel out of control and unable to see through the tied up mess of the course laid out. Upside down, round and round, over, under, and through—it seems like at any given second you could just fall right out to your death. That’s when you need to realize that you are completely attached to the track the entire time. As much as you might not like it, you don’t have the total control of where you are ending up. You’re on a track and your only job is to trust that you will end up exactly where you need to be.
It’s hard to do that in life. I have a lot of trouble just trusting that things will work out and I’ll end up where I need to be. As I think about it though, why spend time worrying about it all? Worrying doesn’t get people anywhere. Sure, it’s healthy to be concerned a bit or at least thinking about the directions you want to be heading, but in the end it’s about putting your faith in the outcome and flying through life with your hands in the air despite however much you may still be screaming.
My roller coaster right now is taking me through job interviews and towards my present future. I’m trying not to let it stress me out and worry me though. I’ve been getting out into the backcountry more, including a 16-mile hike with Tom and Conor yesterday and a 4-mile hike the day before with K, Conor, and Rebecca. I’ve been enjoying the mountains as much as I can because those can always be counted on to give me a good dose of serenity.
When we got upstairs, he had me sit down and we just talked for a loooooong time. We talked about our winters and what new philosophical ideas we had, and he told me that when he saw the schedule and realized the same things I had that he was going to make a point for us to get together and be intentional about Fridays.
While we were talking about our winters, we started making an analogy between life and a roller coaster. Last summer he told me about the two different ways to ride a roller coaster: gripping the handle bar and screaming for your life or throwing your hands in the air and screaming for fun. Either way, both groups of people get on and off at the same stop so it’s up to you to decide which way to travel. Up until March I had never really been on a roller coaster so I couldn’t completely understand the point he was trying to make.
When I finally did ride one, I was that kind of person who gripped the bar until my knuckles were white and screamed the whole way. As we flew around the track though, I started thinking about his thoughts from months before and slowly let my death grip go. By the time we were hanging upside down, I was definitely still screaming, but I was able to throw my hands in the air right before the picture was taken.
It got me thinking about the key to that whole situation—the track. Sure, it seems like the roller coaster (or life) is flying by in every direction. You feel out of control and unable to see through the tied up mess of the course laid out. Upside down, round and round, over, under, and through—it seems like at any given second you could just fall right out to your death. That’s when you need to realize that you are completely attached to the track the entire time. As much as you might not like it, you don’t have the total control of where you are ending up. You’re on a track and your only job is to trust that you will end up exactly where you need to be.
It’s hard to do that in life. I have a lot of trouble just trusting that things will work out and I’ll end up where I need to be. As I think about it though, why spend time worrying about it all? Worrying doesn’t get people anywhere. Sure, it’s healthy to be concerned a bit or at least thinking about the directions you want to be heading, but in the end it’s about putting your faith in the outcome and flying through life with your hands in the air despite however much you may still be screaming.
My roller coaster right now is taking me through job interviews and towards my present future. I’m trying not to let it stress me out and worry me though. I’ve been getting out into the backcountry more, including a 16-mile hike with Tom and Conor yesterday and a 4-mile hike the day before with K, Conor, and Rebecca. I’ve been enjoying the mountains as much as I can because those can always be counted on to give me a good dose of serenity.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Planes and Goodbyes
I’m on the plane on my way back home from…home? I flew back to Gilbert Monday night after work for Goog’s graduation, and boy were those days loaded!
Tuesday morning, I woke up and went to the photography place because mom wanted updated pictures of me since my last formal pictures were from my senior year of high school. That afternoon, I napped for three hours, which was really nice since I’ve been keeping a pretty busy social schedule since I got to Colorado. Tuesday night was the last family dinner we will have with everyone there indefinitely. Mom ended up crying and I was thinking about how sad that really is. After dinner, I met up with the girls for a drink at Applebee’s, and I started thinking about the same things there.
Wednesday, I woke up and hung out by the pool for a couple hours. After showering off, I headed to the dentist to take care of my biannual checkup, but even there I realized I couldn’t schedule my next appointment since I have no idea when I’ll be back. On my way to the appointment however, I got a call from a school in the Glendale School District where I had turned in an application and they wanted to schedule an interview! Grandma and Grandpa showed up after a delayed flight schedule that evening and we all headed to Meredith’s graduation at Chandler High.
This morning, I woke up early and headed to my interview where I was offered the job after the hour of questions and talking. That made me feel a lot better that I am already batting 1000 as far as interviews and job offers go. Unfortunately, that situation didn’t seem like the best fit for me so I will keep looking until the right thing shows up. We hung out with the g-rents all afternoon and I filled out ten more applications for schools throughout Colorado. Goog’s dinner celebration was at Charleston’s, and after dinner I had to say all my goodbyes.
Mom has already scheduled her visit to come see me in two weeks, so that one wasn’t going to be hard, but saying goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa made me start tearing up. They are getting so much older, and each time I wonder if that’s the last time I’m going to see them or not since they live across the country. Then, I turned to say goodbye to everyone else. I almost completely lost it saying goodbye to Melinda and Meredith. We didn’t always get along the best growing up, but I love those two more than anything and would give my life to make sure they were happy. It’s hard not knowing when I’m going to get to see them next. Maybe I’ll be home for Christmas, but who knows depending on the job situation!
So here I am on the plane with tears streaming down my face as I listen to my bluegrass with their picture on the seat next to me as I stare out the window at Jupiter as it follows me in the sky everywhere I go. (Thank goodness there are only 9 people on my flight so everyone is spread out and not watching me right now!)
Seeing Jupiter out there reminds me of all the events in the past week, especially Saturday, but let me back up a little bit…
Anyone who talks to me knows how much I love my job. Going into the office doesn’t even seem like work to me (but trust me, it’s one of the busiest and most stressful offices in the park, despite what I make it seem like!), and my hike days don’t even seem fair when I think that I’m getting paid to hike. Knowing all that, Saturday has got to be hands down my favorite day at work.
As we neared the last hour of work, I had started running out of things to clean and organize for the day. At that point, a family came in so I went up front to help them out. What looked like three generations of females came up to the counter, with the young girl (maybe 12-14?) tried to get her mom to ask me a question. The mom finally gave in and said that she was trying to get her daughter to ask me, but that they had a question.
They had been out walking around Sprague Lake and came across the discreet handicap sign, designating our accessible backcountry campsite, and wanted to know what that was all about. I started talking to the young girl and asked her if she liked camping. In her response, I could tell through her excitement that she had some sort of disability, but really wanted to go camping! Her mom asked if the site was only designated for physical disabilities, and I assured her that anyone could use it if they felt that it would be a good fit.
All three women got so excited. I pulled down some pictures to show them the site, but they told me that they hiked back to the clearing and sat down at the picnic table for a while, just looking at the site, imagining their own private camping experience back there. The mom told me that her husband had just lost his job and they were trying to make ends meet, but wanted to keep that as an option to keep their daughter’s spirits up. She wondered if she needed any kind of documentation or doctor’s note to use the site, but I assured her it would be ok.
When the three left, they were full of smiles and tears of joy, and all shook my hand on their way out. I went back into the office and just started crying myself, thinking about the joy that had just been brought to them.
How neat is it that RMNP would have an accessible site so that even people with disabilities or who would not, under normal circumstances, be able to hike far to a backcountry campsite can have their own similar backcountry experience?! I am so proud to be a part of that community that can provide for opportunities such as those.
Saturday night after dinner, Tom and I headed up to hang out with Jupiter on a night hike up to Gem Lake. We left around 10pm and I got back to my place by 2am, but the stars were amazing, especially in contrast with the full moon and town lights! We hiked up to the lake and then climbed the rock wall behind it to get up above for the best views.
Sitting on a giant rock like that always makes me think a lot, and based on my sunburns this spring, you can tell I do a lot of rock sitting. Getting out into the “wild” like that is like soul food for me. I can’t be stuck inside for long periods of time or I start to go crazy. I think that’s part of why I wasn’t able to completely wrap my mind around the idea of teaching in the valley. I need to have a place I can go to distress, decompose, and just think.
So sure it’s been REALLY hard saying goodbye to all the parts of Arizona I love, but now it’s off to new and exciting adventures. I should be landing in half an hour (this won’t be posted until later since there is obviously no internet connection on the plane), and then driving back to Estes. For now, that’s my home, but who knows what’s coming my way after that. I am positive there’s some sort of bigger, better plan out there for me—I just don’t know what it is yet and for once, I think I’m ok with that.
Tuesday morning, I woke up and went to the photography place because mom wanted updated pictures of me since my last formal pictures were from my senior year of high school. That afternoon, I napped for three hours, which was really nice since I’ve been keeping a pretty busy social schedule since I got to Colorado. Tuesday night was the last family dinner we will have with everyone there indefinitely. Mom ended up crying and I was thinking about how sad that really is. After dinner, I met up with the girls for a drink at Applebee’s, and I started thinking about the same things there.
Wednesday, I woke up and hung out by the pool for a couple hours. After showering off, I headed to the dentist to take care of my biannual checkup, but even there I realized I couldn’t schedule my next appointment since I have no idea when I’ll be back. On my way to the appointment however, I got a call from a school in the Glendale School District where I had turned in an application and they wanted to schedule an interview! Grandma and Grandpa showed up after a delayed flight schedule that evening and we all headed to Meredith’s graduation at Chandler High.
This morning, I woke up early and headed to my interview where I was offered the job after the hour of questions and talking. That made me feel a lot better that I am already batting 1000 as far as interviews and job offers go. Unfortunately, that situation didn’t seem like the best fit for me so I will keep looking until the right thing shows up. We hung out with the g-rents all afternoon and I filled out ten more applications for schools throughout Colorado. Goog’s dinner celebration was at Charleston’s, and after dinner I had to say all my goodbyes.
Mom has already scheduled her visit to come see me in two weeks, so that one wasn’t going to be hard, but saying goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa made me start tearing up. They are getting so much older, and each time I wonder if that’s the last time I’m going to see them or not since they live across the country. Then, I turned to say goodbye to everyone else. I almost completely lost it saying goodbye to Melinda and Meredith. We didn’t always get along the best growing up, but I love those two more than anything and would give my life to make sure they were happy. It’s hard not knowing when I’m going to get to see them next. Maybe I’ll be home for Christmas, but who knows depending on the job situation!
So here I am on the plane with tears streaming down my face as I listen to my bluegrass with their picture on the seat next to me as I stare out the window at Jupiter as it follows me in the sky everywhere I go. (Thank goodness there are only 9 people on my flight so everyone is spread out and not watching me right now!)
Seeing Jupiter out there reminds me of all the events in the past week, especially Saturday, but let me back up a little bit…
Anyone who talks to me knows how much I love my job. Going into the office doesn’t even seem like work to me (but trust me, it’s one of the busiest and most stressful offices in the park, despite what I make it seem like!), and my hike days don’t even seem fair when I think that I’m getting paid to hike. Knowing all that, Saturday has got to be hands down my favorite day at work.
As we neared the last hour of work, I had started running out of things to clean and organize for the day. At that point, a family came in so I went up front to help them out. What looked like three generations of females came up to the counter, with the young girl (maybe 12-14?) tried to get her mom to ask me a question. The mom finally gave in and said that she was trying to get her daughter to ask me, but that they had a question.
They had been out walking around Sprague Lake and came across the discreet handicap sign, designating our accessible backcountry campsite, and wanted to know what that was all about. I started talking to the young girl and asked her if she liked camping. In her response, I could tell through her excitement that she had some sort of disability, but really wanted to go camping! Her mom asked if the site was only designated for physical disabilities, and I assured her that anyone could use it if they felt that it would be a good fit.
All three women got so excited. I pulled down some pictures to show them the site, but they told me that they hiked back to the clearing and sat down at the picnic table for a while, just looking at the site, imagining their own private camping experience back there. The mom told me that her husband had just lost his job and they were trying to make ends meet, but wanted to keep that as an option to keep their daughter’s spirits up. She wondered if she needed any kind of documentation or doctor’s note to use the site, but I assured her it would be ok.
When the three left, they were full of smiles and tears of joy, and all shook my hand on their way out. I went back into the office and just started crying myself, thinking about the joy that had just been brought to them.
How neat is it that RMNP would have an accessible site so that even people with disabilities or who would not, under normal circumstances, be able to hike far to a backcountry campsite can have their own similar backcountry experience?! I am so proud to be a part of that community that can provide for opportunities such as those.
Saturday night after dinner, Tom and I headed up to hang out with Jupiter on a night hike up to Gem Lake. We left around 10pm and I got back to my place by 2am, but the stars were amazing, especially in contrast with the full moon and town lights! We hiked up to the lake and then climbed the rock wall behind it to get up above for the best views.
Sitting on a giant rock like that always makes me think a lot, and based on my sunburns this spring, you can tell I do a lot of rock sitting. Getting out into the “wild” like that is like soul food for me. I can’t be stuck inside for long periods of time or I start to go crazy. I think that’s part of why I wasn’t able to completely wrap my mind around the idea of teaching in the valley. I need to have a place I can go to distress, decompose, and just think.
So sure it’s been REALLY hard saying goodbye to all the parts of Arizona I love, but now it’s off to new and exciting adventures. I should be landing in half an hour (this won’t be posted until later since there is obviously no internet connection on the plane), and then driving back to Estes. For now, that’s my home, but who knows what’s coming my way after that. I am positive there’s some sort of bigger, better plan out there for me—I just don’t know what it is yet and for once, I think I’m ok with that.
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